schizo

ready for a ramble? ok, here we go...

i've been feeling a bit schizo lately, like i've fractured myself into 2 different entities: one that deals with anti-factory and the "crafting" end of things, and one that is "stephanie syjuco the artist" who has exhibitions and makes what is otherwise known as high art. don't get me wrong, the reason i do the 2 is that each side satisfies what the other can't provide.

starting a clothing line was a conceptual strategy related to my art practice, a "what if?" scenario...what if I could use a business model to realize an artwork? what if that artwork were actually "practical" in some way and didn't look like art in the traditional sense (masking as fashion)? as an outsider to the crafting community, could i transform myself into a maker of a different kind? what's the difference between art and craft, and what's the difference between the audiences?

as a visual artist, i realized i was essentially making "products" (artworks) but for a high-end gallery clientelle. It started to become a major joke with myself that the subjects in my work dealt with capitalism or "the system" in some way, and yet essentially participated in it by becoming elite commodities to be traded within that rarified sphere. hence, anti-factory was born as an experiment in true, unabashed commodity production, albeit with a hopefully kinder, more accessible notion of production and distribution. everyone seems to "understand" fashion, right? everyone needs clothing and seems to be able to relate to it on a more daily level than "art", right?

i had a visiting undergraduate art class from UC Santa Cruz drop by the other day for a studio visit to check out what a "real" artist studio looks like, and I had set up a bunch of things, dragging out recent sculptural works and projects, and then also setting out my anti-factory clothing rack in the same milieu to confuse the issue. i talked about how i was trying to deal with the idea of commodities and audiences, and that anti-factory was my outlet for the you and me of the everyday, not the high-priced pristine sphere of the gallery--sort of like my "ready-to-wear" in conjunction with my "couture" line (high art). I actually did the same thing for a studio visit in January with the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, and i think it totally weirded them out, but i think in a good way because it was "different" types of production being talked of in contrast and opposition to each other.

more recently i've been realizing that both outlets are important to me, and my attention to each rises and falls with my satisfaction/dissatisfaction with each. since getting my MFA last May, it's been almost a year of working on anti-factory in a more serious way (i just did drips and drabs of it while in school). as a fine arts teacher at 2 schools, it's been amusing to me to talk with students about "high art" and deeply conceptual/aesthetic/political topics, and then go back to my own studio to sew. interesting, to say the least.

i guess i do feel schizoid. i sat down yesterday in a studio that was empty of my sewing machines (i stowed them away for the studio visit to make more space), and just sat and planned out new artwork ideas. anti-factory hasn't been a distraction from work, it's been a part of it, but at the same time i realize i have much more work to do of a different kind. the trick is to form the balance that keeps each side new and fresh for me. the funny thing is that i'm starting to get more known for anti-factory lately--whether it's in magazines or online--which is sort of good and then, well, really...weird. i don't want to expand a fashion empire, don't even want to write a business model or plan to grow, because it's not my focus or my life, but just one project out of many.

i have to put some proposals together in the next week for various things: a possible solo show at my gallery later this fall, an application to a digital/printmaking residency (kala) for six months, etc. not to mention i may be flying out to spain in a week and a half to deliver some work and attend an opening for an exhibition. i have to write a lecture for the International Sculpture Conference panel i'm attending in cincinnati this july entitled "sculpture and social relevance" (interesting!). i have a group show opening also in july having to do with technology, and I'm flying out to Hawaii in late May for the opening of a video work of mine at the Contemporary Museum in Honolulu. An exhibition in Beijing on piracy and bootlegging is supposed to happen sometime this summer, too (maybe not, due to lack of funding). I have to put together a proposal for the Crocker Museum in Sacramento for an artist talk/workshop I'll conduct over 2 days next January (yes, they plan really far ahead!).

All this and i'm like, "what? i have a fashion company? how did that happen?" It's sort of like the project that ran away with itself and actually became an entity to attend to. I feel like I fractured myself into 2 people. I'm very curious how it will resolve itself. I've been mostly sharing craft-related thoughts on this blog, and i'm starting to feel not quite myself lately...things were actually easier when i had a normal "day job" that I could divorce myself from and then go into the studio to focus.

aaaaaa! existential schizo musings happening here...